you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
