We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
