ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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