It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
