i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My vagina just recognized that song.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
