Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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