What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
