No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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