So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize