Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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