craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My vagina is officially offended.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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