Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
