the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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