girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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