Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
