wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize