Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Why is your signature on my underwear?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
