I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
