My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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