I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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