he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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