11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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