I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
