never play flip cup with pint glasses
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
