yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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