Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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