put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
