This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
