Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
