i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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