Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
