I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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