i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
