no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
