please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
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Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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