I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
