Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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