My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm both gender and math confused
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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