and next time when you feel me up, do it right
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
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I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
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I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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