the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
