The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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