i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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