I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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