He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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