I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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