He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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