.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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