I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
