Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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