she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
