i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
