i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
