I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I believe in your delicious
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
