So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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