My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
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It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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