...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
