peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize