what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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