I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
