I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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