it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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