I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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