Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
