She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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