you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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