duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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