my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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