I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
