Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
